My Friend John Helm

A week ago I found out that a good friend of mine passed away. His name was John Helm. He had an acute cancerous brain tumor that had gone undetected. He died suddenly and did not suffer, thank god. He was just about to turn 29 years old. Needless to say, I was shocked and upset to hear the news. I cried a lot. I called my Dad and Sarah. I called John's wife Jessica. I felt helpless. I was thousands of miles away and couldn't do anything about it. What a terrible feeling it was.

Last Monday I recieved an email from Jessica informing me of his death on July 29. She felt bad that I had to find out this way, but she did not know how to contact me earlier. Initially, I felt so guilty that I wasn't at the funeral to pay my respects. I felt so bad that I wasn't able to be there and offer my support to Jessica. I felt awol. Talking to Jessica helped a lot, as much of my initial anxiety was rooted in concern for her. She informed me that she was taking things one day at a time and was very happy that John's organs were donated. Apparently, his liver and heart went to two people; I assume this generous act saved their lives. Amazing stuff.

I met Helm in Wright Hall at ISU when I was a sophomore. He lived on the infamous 5th floor with his roommate and best friend from Decatur, Eric Veech. A lot of the guys from the football team who were my friends were living on 5, so naturally I got to know Helm & Veech. Initially, our relationship consisted of sharing information and talking about all of the crazy footballers on the 5th floor, especially Scramuzzo. We didn't really hang out too much until a couple of years later when Marc Hirschman, a friend of mine from Bolingbrook befriended Helm and became his roomate at the house on Kingsley Street, across from Spanky's in Normal.

Some of my fondest memories from college involve that house, and of course, Mr. Helm (as I liked to call him). We partied, bands would play in the basement, we'd hang out and listen to music, etc. Helm always made feel like an honorary member of the Kingsley St. house and I would go over there any chance I would get. The summer of 1997 (my only summer at ISU) was particulary fun and there was always a barbeque or something going on. It was during this time that I got to know his girlfriend and future wife, Jessica.

Other memories include going to Pub II when Helm was bartending, making crazy films with his video camera, and his graduation party at Rosie's (I think that's what the bar was called) in Bloomington. After he graduated, we saw each other every so often. He and Jessica would come up to Chicago for the Buddy Guy shows. It was great fun. I remember their engagement party at Alive One in Chicago, going to visit them in Aurora after Helm got his first job with Boise, helping them move into their first home, drinking the fine ale from Walter Payton's out of the kegerator in the garage, etc.

Helm and Jessica's wedding and the time leading up to it was especially joyous. I took a bunch of photos of them as a couple before the wedding, one of which was used in the gigantic picture frame that everyone signed at the wedding. They looked hot I must say. I'm proud of that pic! I also put together a jazz program for the dinner hour at the reception. Their wedding was special because so many friends got involved in one way or another to make it the perfect wedding. I remember unveiling the Buddy Guy photo I had blown up and framed for them as a wedding gift. Helm loved it. I'll never forget the look on his face. Priceless stuff. Their wedding will always be clear in my mind and makes me feel so good when I think about it.

Shortly after their wedding, Helm and Jessica moved to St. Louis. Sarah and I visited them in September of 2003. We went to a Cardinals game, grilled out, had beers, etc. It was a great time. That was the last time I saw him in person. We'd email and speak on the phone every now and then in the following months. I remember thinking how much I wanted to keep the friendship going and hoped that I could see more of him in the future. He sent me an email 5 days before he passed away and told me how much he enjoyed reading my blog. I'm glad I had this contact with him. It makes me feel closer to him now.

John Helm was one of the best people I have ever known. He was always smiling, always positive and upbeat. I never heard him complain about anything. I never heard him say anything negative about anyone. He had a magnetic personality and people, including myself, loved to be around him. I think of him often now and always see that smiling face and hear that distinctive Helm laugh.

Although I never considered myself part of his inner circle of friends (he had many), I always considered him to be a good friend of mine. I believe that he considered me to be one as well. As I write this tribute to him from a place very far away from home, I take solace in the fact that he is at peace now. He was a special person and I will never forget him. He's gone now, but his soul will live on inside all of us who loved him and cherished his friendship. We love you Helm.

Scott

Want to see my new apartment?

go to my yahoo photo album at:

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/rsfenwick/album?.dir=/3478&.src=ph&.tok=phq_EiDB7qLC2wQB

Copy and paste the address into your address bar & hit enter for maximum viewing pleasure.......

Me and Mama Ica

Hey! It's me and Gazda Mama Ica outside the "Casa Cultural" on Swear-in day, Aug. 5th.

Laundry Day

I'm doing my first batch of laundry today. Killing some time in the tavernet cafe right now waiting to switch to spin! Man, I feel so lucky to have a washing machine. I'd be sucking right now if I had to hand wash everything. I know, I know, it's the Peace Corps, right? I should be sucking right now, right? Well hey, sucking sucks. It's hard enough just being here. I'll take any creature comforts I can get. However, I do have a big plastic wash tub I can use if I start to feel guilty.....Ha! Let's just hope the washer doesn't break down on me. And it's not like I have a dryer anyway.

It's been awhile since the last real post. As Sarah, the Barr Family, my Dad and Mindy know, I was having a tough time at the end of last week. I was ready to ET and come home. Luckily, after many conversations and sleeping on it, I changed my mind. I guess I just kind of freaked out, albeit a little early. I think that this happens at some point or another to all PCVs. I think that I'll feel better once school starts, at which point I won't have so much time to sit around and think about how much I miss home and everybody there, especiallly Sarah.

Anyway, I'm running out of time. More later.

Love,
Scott

My new address

This is my permanent address:

R.S. Fenwick
Colegiul National "Calistrat Hogas"
Str. Alexandru cel Bun, Nr. 19
Cod 610120
Piatra Neamt
Romania

Let the care package sending begin! :)

Buna Piatra Neamt part 2

I've only got 10 minutes left at the internet cafe so I'll make this short:

Tuesday: Found a nice place to get some exercise. It's a cobblestone path up a big hill. There's two restaurants and a bar up there in case you get hungry or thirsty :) Walked around town a bit with Gabby and had dinner with her and a colleague of hers. Her colleague's sister, husband and daughter were there as well, so it was a good opportunity for a language exercise.

Wednesday: More hiking up the hill and walking around town. Gabby and I went to a Turkish restaurant for lunch (SCORE) and did some shopping at the main Piata. I bought some bread, fruit & veggies. We also stopped by the foreign languages library and had a shot of Tuica for Cristina's birthday. I met Cristina on my site visit in July. She introduced me to her colleague Nicolae, who will be taking over for her as she takes her two year (that's correct, two year) state mandated maternity leave. I hope that I will be able to see her again though. She's very nice. Got home and watched some fotbal with gazda bro Stephan. It was Steaua Bucharest (Stefan's fav team) vs. Rosenborg (Norway) in the 3rd round (I think) of the UEFA Champions Cup. It wound up being a 1-1 tie, so needless to say, Stephan was not a happy camper.

Today: I'll tell you tomorrow.....

Buna Piatra Neamt!

I boarded the bus at the station in Brasov yesterday morning at 7:30, fighting back tears as I had to say goodbye to Ica & Victor. It was an emotional moment for me, sitting on that bus all alone and watching them wave goodbye. Seriously, it hurts just thinking about it. I think that's understanbable at this point though, given the fact that I've only been in town for just over 24 hours.

It was a cloudy and rainy day yesterday as the bus headed north out of Brasov. We passed through Harghita County, which is the Hungarian zone bordering the Eastern Carpathians. I saw the towns of Sfantu Gheorghe, Miercurea Ciuc and Gheorgeni, all of which are nothing to write home about. The ride ot interesting when we began to climb in elevation and made the trip into Moldavia. After many a switchback, the bus headed through the awesome Bicaz Gorge and past the intimidating Ceahlau Massif, which is one big, bad looking mountain.

The sun came out as I entered Piatra and my counterpart Florin was there to greet me in his spiffy outfit, equipped with a euro man-purse. We got into his Passat (quite a change from the Dacia) and headed to my new gazda. I unloaded all of my crap and had a nice lunch with Georgiana and her son Stephan. Georgiana is a 36 year-old overworked, underpaid doctor and her son is a 14 year-old hunchback computer geek. Stephan's never had a dad, doesn't get out much and hardly sees his mom. It's kind of sad acutally. Grandpa George (retired physics teacher) and Grandma Rodica (retired dentist) live there too, but they'll be leaving for Canada to stay with their other daughter in a week. They'll be gone for 2-3 months, so I'll be in my apt. by the time they return. So, it's going to be the three of us for most of the stay. Oy.

I'm running out of time here at the Tavernet internet cafe in beautiful downtown Piatra Neamt, so I'll have to cut this short. More later.

I'm official now and I have to go....

Hello there. Well, last Friday PC group 20 took the oath to defend the constitution and all that good stuff. As a result, the charge d' affairs from the US embassy bestowed upon all 66 of us the title of PC Volunteer (PCV). That has a nice ring to it I must say. Being a trainee kind of sucks. It's like being in boot camp, I think.

The ceremony was held in the "Casa de Cultura" in Brasov and was attended by quite a few people. Many gazda families showed up, the mayor of Brasov, the media, etc. A couple of my friends were on the Friday night news. A paper in Brasov also published an article about us. Good stuff. After all of the hand-shaking at the buffet, quite a few of us headed out to the bars for some beers. It wasn't really goodbye because we're all going to see each other in December for an in-service training seminar to be held for a few days at a location TBD. Although, you never know who'll Early Terminate (ET) or be medivac'd. I hope that's not the case for anyone in Group 20. The average ET rate for PC Romania is about 6%, compared to the 12% PC worldwide average. I have no idea what the medivac rate is. I'd venture to say that it's pretty low as well.

Soooo, it's my last day in Codlea. Pretty sad stuff as my family and I really don't want to part. Most of the other PCVs agree that I won the "Gazda Lottery", i.e., I've had the best home stay experience. I couldn't agree more. Ica and Victor treat me like the son they never had and I've been truly touched by their kindness and generosity. I will be visiting them often.

I finished packing this morning and we'll be having a barbeque tonight. A few of my friends are still in town, so it'll be nice to hang out with them once more before we part ways. Ica and Victor are going to drive me to the bus station in Brasov tomorrow morning. I'll be leaving at 8 and should arrive in Piatra Neamt around 3. Time to start all over again......

BTW -

Roz: I'll get back to you on the amt. of capital needed for the cotton balls.....
Also, you'll be pleased to know that I'm in an FFL league for PCVs! The Soldiers are coming out of retirement for some international competition....

Rob: Please accept my belated congrats to you and Sandy! Nice work on the links! I'm glad that you got a chance to read the blog. Please keep logging on and stay in touch.

BTW part 2:

The following is an article on the Peace Corps and the Military that you may find interesting......

Peace Corps Option for Military Recruits Sparks Concerns

By Alan Cooperman
Washington Post
August 2, 2005

The U.S. military, struggling to fill its voluntary ranks, is offering
to
allow recruits to meet part of their military obligations by serving in
the
Peace Corps, which has resisted any ties to the Defense Department or
U.S.
intelligence agencies since its founding in 1961.

The recruitment program has sparked debate and rising opposition among
current and former Peace Corps officials. Some welcome it as a way to
expand
the cadre of idealistic volunteers created by President John F.
Kennedy. But
many say it could lead to suspicions abroad that the Peace Corps, which
has
7,733 workers in 73 countries, is working together with the U.S. armed
forces.

"Does this raise red flags for the Peace Corps community? I'd say yes
--
emphatically so," said Kevin Quigley, president of the National Peace
Corps
Association, an organization of returned volunteers, staff and
supporters.
"We think a real or perceived linkage between the Peace Corps and
military
service could damage the Peace Corps and potentially put the safety of
Peace
Corps volunteers at risk."

Congress authorized the recruitment program three years ago in
legislation
that drew little attention at the time but is stirring controversy now,
for
two reasons: The military has begun to promote it, and the day is
drawing
closer when the first batch of about 4,300 recruits will be eligible to
apply to the Peace Corps, after having spent 3 1/2 years in the armed
forces. That could happen as early as 2007.

Two longtime proponents of national service programs, Sens. John McCain
(R-Ariz.) and Evan Bayh (D-Ind.), devised the legislation "to provide
Americans with more opportunities to serve their country," said Bayh's
spokeswoman, Meghan Keck. When it stalled as a separate bill, aides to
the
senators said, they folded it into a 306-page defense budget bill,
where it
did not attract opposition.

Peace Corps Director Gaddi H. Vasquez, who was appointed in 2002 by
President Bush, said in a recent interview that the Peace Corps was
unaware
of the provision until after it became law. Vasquez declined to say
whether
he would have opposed the legislation, had he known about it in time.

"There might have been a discussion, there could have been some
dialogue on
this, but obviously that didn't happen," he said.

Several former Peace Corps leaders said they hope that Congress and the
Bush
administration will reverse course and scuttle the program. They
include
former senator Harris Wofford (D-Pa.), who helped found the Peace Corps
as a
young aide in the Kennedy White House; Carol Bellamy, the former New
York
City Council president who headed the Peace Corps from 1993 to 1995;
and
Mark L. Schneider, who was a volunteer in El Salvador in the late 1960s
and
headed the Peace Corps during the last two years of the Clinton
administration.

"Democratic and Republican administrations alike have kept a bright
line
separating the Peace Corps from short-term foreign and security
policies,"
Schneider said. "Blurring that sharp line is a bad idea, particularly
now,
given the unfortunate rise in anti-American sentiment following the
Iraq
war."

After the law went into effect in 2003, the Defense Department was slow
to
promote the option of combining military and Peace Corps service, but
it is
now energetically flogging the "National Call to Service" program,
recruiters said. The Army, which began a pilot project in 10 of its 41
recruiting districts in October 2003, expanded it into a nationwide
effort
this year. The Air Force, Navy and Marines offer identical programs,
said
Lt. Col. Ellen Krenke, a Pentagon spokeswoman.

In all of the services, recruits are eligible for a $5,000 cash bonus
or
repayment of $18,000 in student loans if they agree to spend three
months in
boot camp, 15 months on active duty and two years in the Reserves or
National Guard.

After that, they can fulfill the remainder of their eight-year military
obligation in the Individual Ready Reserves -- available for call-up,
but
without regular drilling duties -- or by serving in the Peace Corps or
Americorps, the domestic national service program created in 1993.

Vasquez emphasized that recruits have no guarantee that they will be
accepted into the Peace Corps. Once they complete their active duty and
Reserve or National Guard service, they can apply to the Corps. But
they
will not receive any preferential treatment, and the Peace Corps is not
changing its admission standards, he said.

"Ultimately, the impact to Peace Corps in terms of how we recruit, who
we
accept into service, remains very much intact and consistent with what
we've
done for 40-plus years," the Peace Corps director said. "I am an
individual
who embraces a very important facet of Peace Corps, and that is the
Peace
Corps' independence as an agency within the executive branch."

Wofford, who worked in the White House with Sargent Shriver, the
Kennedy
brother-in-law who became the Peace Corps' first director, said the
Corps
historically has shown "passionate determination" to maintain that
independence. At the outset in 1961, Shriver appealed to Kennedy to
keep the
Peace Corps from being placed under the Agency for International
Development. Later, the Corps fought to uphold rules barring
intelligence
officers from joining the Peace Corps and prohibiting former Peace
Corps
volunteers from working for U.S. intelligence agencies.

Several current Peace Corps volunteers said they opposed the military
recruitment option but were reluctant to speak out publicly, because
the
Peace Corps forbids volunteers from talking to the media without
permission.

"We are already accused on a daily basis of being CIA agents so I don't
see
how this [link to the U.S. military] could help," a volunteer in
Burkina
Faso said by e-mail.

"It is hard enough trying to integrate yourself into a completely
different
culture, convincing people that . . . Americans are not these
gun-toting sex
maniacs . . . without having a connection to the U.S. military,"
another
volunteer in Africa wrote.

Former volunteers expressed a variety of reservations. Pat Reilly, a
former
chairwoman of the National Peace Corps Association who served in
Liberia
from 1972 to 1975 and spent several years as a full-time Peace Corps
recruiter, said she worries about the motivation of people who enter
the
Peace Corps to fulfill a military service obligation.

"The magic that makes the Peace Corps work is motivation, and when you
tinker with that, then it won't work for the applicant and it won't
work for
the people it serves," she said.

John Coyne, who served in Ethiopia during the 1960s and was a regional
director in the Corps' New York office from 1996 to 2001, said numerous
military veterans have joined the Peace Corps and been superb
volunteers.
But he said there has always been a "clear separation" between the two
kinds
of service. The new recruitment program "eats away at the purity of the
Peace Corps as designed by Kennedy, which is that it was not going to
be
military," he said.

So far, the number of enlistees is tiny compared with the 1.4 million
men
and women serving in the military, but large compared with the Peace
Corps,
which receives about 12,000 applications to fill about 4,000 openings
each
year.

In 2004 and the first five months of this year, 4,301 people entered
the
armed services under the National Call to Service program. Of those,
2,935
enlisted in the Navy, 614 in the Air Force, 444 in the Army and 308 in
the
Marines. Pentagon and Peace Corps officials said they have no way of
knowing
how many will apply to the Peace Corps when they become eligible to do
so in
2007 or 2008.

In his 2002 State of the Union address, Bush called for doubling the
size of
the Peace Corps, from 7,000 to 14,000 volunteers, within five years.
That
same year, the administration named a career Navy officer with 12 years
of
experience in military recruiting to head the Peace Corps' recruitment
and
selection office.

Since then, however, the Corps has grown by little more than 10
percent.
Barbara Daly, a spokeswoman for the Corps, said that tight budgets --
rather
than a shortage of qualified candidates -- were the reason.

"The president has been very supportive of the Peace Corps and has
requested
budget increases each fiscal year that would allow for this" gradual
doubling, she said. "Congress has not approved our budget at the levels
requested by the president."