My Friend John Helm

A week ago I found out that a good friend of mine passed away. His name was John Helm. He had an acute cancerous brain tumor that had gone undetected. He died suddenly and did not suffer, thank god. He was just about to turn 29 years old. Needless to say, I was shocked and upset to hear the news. I cried a lot. I called my Dad and Sarah. I called John's wife Jessica. I felt helpless. I was thousands of miles away and couldn't do anything about it. What a terrible feeling it was.

Last Monday I recieved an email from Jessica informing me of his death on July 29. She felt bad that I had to find out this way, but she did not know how to contact me earlier. Initially, I felt so guilty that I wasn't at the funeral to pay my respects. I felt so bad that I wasn't able to be there and offer my support to Jessica. I felt awol. Talking to Jessica helped a lot, as much of my initial anxiety was rooted in concern for her. She informed me that she was taking things one day at a time and was very happy that John's organs were donated. Apparently, his liver and heart went to two people; I assume this generous act saved their lives. Amazing stuff.

I met Helm in Wright Hall at ISU when I was a sophomore. He lived on the infamous 5th floor with his roommate and best friend from Decatur, Eric Veech. A lot of the guys from the football team who were my friends were living on 5, so naturally I got to know Helm & Veech. Initially, our relationship consisted of sharing information and talking about all of the crazy footballers on the 5th floor, especially Scramuzzo. We didn't really hang out too much until a couple of years later when Marc Hirschman, a friend of mine from Bolingbrook befriended Helm and became his roomate at the house on Kingsley Street, across from Spanky's in Normal.

Some of my fondest memories from college involve that house, and of course, Mr. Helm (as I liked to call him). We partied, bands would play in the basement, we'd hang out and listen to music, etc. Helm always made feel like an honorary member of the Kingsley St. house and I would go over there any chance I would get. The summer of 1997 (my only summer at ISU) was particulary fun and there was always a barbeque or something going on. It was during this time that I got to know his girlfriend and future wife, Jessica.

Other memories include going to Pub II when Helm was bartending, making crazy films with his video camera, and his graduation party at Rosie's (I think that's what the bar was called) in Bloomington. After he graduated, we saw each other every so often. He and Jessica would come up to Chicago for the Buddy Guy shows. It was great fun. I remember their engagement party at Alive One in Chicago, going to visit them in Aurora after Helm got his first job with Boise, helping them move into their first home, drinking the fine ale from Walter Payton's out of the kegerator in the garage, etc.

Helm and Jessica's wedding and the time leading up to it was especially joyous. I took a bunch of photos of them as a couple before the wedding, one of which was used in the gigantic picture frame that everyone signed at the wedding. They looked hot I must say. I'm proud of that pic! I also put together a jazz program for the dinner hour at the reception. Their wedding was special because so many friends got involved in one way or another to make it the perfect wedding. I remember unveiling the Buddy Guy photo I had blown up and framed for them as a wedding gift. Helm loved it. I'll never forget the look on his face. Priceless stuff. Their wedding will always be clear in my mind and makes me feel so good when I think about it.

Shortly after their wedding, Helm and Jessica moved to St. Louis. Sarah and I visited them in September of 2003. We went to a Cardinals game, grilled out, had beers, etc. It was a great time. That was the last time I saw him in person. We'd email and speak on the phone every now and then in the following months. I remember thinking how much I wanted to keep the friendship going and hoped that I could see more of him in the future. He sent me an email 5 days before he passed away and told me how much he enjoyed reading my blog. I'm glad I had this contact with him. It makes me feel closer to him now.

John Helm was one of the best people I have ever known. He was always smiling, always positive and upbeat. I never heard him complain about anything. I never heard him say anything negative about anyone. He had a magnetic personality and people, including myself, loved to be around him. I think of him often now and always see that smiling face and hear that distinctive Helm laugh.

Although I never considered myself part of his inner circle of friends (he had many), I always considered him to be a good friend of mine. I believe that he considered me to be one as well. As I write this tribute to him from a place very far away from home, I take solace in the fact that he is at peace now. He was a special person and I will never forget him. He's gone now, but his soul will live on inside all of us who loved him and cherished his friendship. We love you Helm.

Scott